Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
