I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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