Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
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I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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