i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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