I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
