Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
