watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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