Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
