I think i peed on brittanys purse
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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