guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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