How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
