Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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