It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
