Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
