no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My ass is underappreciated
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
