This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize