dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
nutella sex= disaster
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
