she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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