Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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