We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
