I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
