I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
