He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
