Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
