I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
