The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
