I look better un-naked...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
