I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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