Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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