He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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