woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
