come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
