My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i was born a porn star she said
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
