just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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