He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
