brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
