I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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