Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
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i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can