I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
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I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.