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• (916): View more from California

  If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness

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• (210): View more from Texas

  remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible

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