I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
