The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dating After Heartbreak
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.