He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.