Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?