why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?