I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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