TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
