and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
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Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
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He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.