he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.