turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.