I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.