Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.

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  (203): I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt. http://tfl.nu/mij5
  Replies (9) Good night (862) Bad night (1099)
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  (408): View more from California

  she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room

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  (408): she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room http://tfl.nu/zqg2
  Replies (23) Good night (4908) Bad night (932)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great

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  (908): Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great http://tfl.nu/tjsf
  Replies (38) Good night (11175) Bad night (1511)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.

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  (717): So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia. http://tfl.nu/uo67
  Replies (46) Good night (2411) Bad night (3459)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.

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  (317): I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it. http://tfl.nu/klgn
  Replies (8) Good night (6240) Bad night (845)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers

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  (615): i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers http://tfl.nu/7wrv
  Replies (5) Good night (3141) Bad night (832)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  you dipped you banana in queso last night.

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  (912): you dipped you banana in queso last night. http://tfl.nu/375m
  Replies (7) Good night (863) Bad night (1662)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.

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  (505): I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster. http://tfl.nu/elih
  Replies (1) Good night (2192) Bad night (734)
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  (442): View more from California

  While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.

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  (442): While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage. http://tfl.nu/yi73
  Replies (74) Good night (1443) Bad night (5433)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.

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  (520): One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops. http://tfl.nu/4y8e
  Replies (10) Good night (2055) Bad night (723)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.

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  (952): Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm. http://tfl.nu/ghbo
  Replies (15) Good night (2405) Bad night (757)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday

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  (630): If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday http://tfl.nu/2qux
  Replies (1) Good night (1314) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"

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  (315): That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty" http://tfl.nu/cos5
  Replies (14) Good night (1351) Bad night (630)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five

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  (705): He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five http://tfl.nu/qd6j
  Replies (0) Good night (641) Bad night (301)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....

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  (515): Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity.... http://tfl.nu/stin
  Replies (4) Good night (704) Bad night (505)

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