u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she peed on how many people?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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