the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
