The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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