I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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