This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
