so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
