Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
