Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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