im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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