Whod you bang
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
