Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
