I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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