Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
