I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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