hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
