Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
