Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Randomize
