morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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