3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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