we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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