Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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