I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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