even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
