i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
